Is Everyone Having Sex At Work But You?
- Profit
- Aug 5
- 5 min read
3 Reasons Why Americans Are Orgasming At Work More and More
Ladies Loved Marky Mark…Not THAT One!
When I worked at Planet Hollywood New York “back in the day”, one of my most popular colleagues was an affable server named “Mark”. Mark was north of 6 feet tall, had blemish-free, mahogany skin straight out of a Proactiv commercial, and a winsome smile.
Mark was no stranger to the gym, evidenced by his bulging thighs and biceps. Lastly, Mark was nice to everyone. Everyone liked Mark back, particularly the lady servers.
Later, I found out why Mark was always smiling, easy-going, and was such a favorite among his female colleagues…
Mark was covertly bending over many female waitresses and sending them into orbit with his reportedly ample-sized meat rocket in the restaurant screening room after closing hours!
This was no ordinary, in-house movie theatre. This was a screening room where A-list celebrities such as Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Whoopi Goldberg, and Al Pacino - would hold private VIP showings of their last blockbuster releases.
Sex Tape in the Senate
Mark is not alone in getting freaky at the workplace. For some people, the thrill of getting caught in the throws of passion at your job, is an addictive aphrodisiac.
For others, the more taboo and revered the work locale, the better!
Not long ago, a male staffer from Senator Ben Cardin’s office, recorded himself having anal sex on Senator Amy Klobuchar’s seat in the Senate Hearing Room. Then, the male staffer posted his steamy video romp in a private chat group for gay men involved in politics to gawk at.
For those of you who are visual creatures or just curious about what someone having sex in the Senate Hearing Room looks, you can see a blurred out, NC-17 version of the “sexcapade” here. This salacious video was posted by African White House correspondent, Simon Ateba.
Subsequently, one of the viewers felt this act was so revolting, the offended viewer leaked the pornographic video the Daily Caller. Then, this “senate sex-capade” became a national story all over cable news, and the male staffer was quickly terminated.
What the F**k?
How Many People ACTUALLY Have Had Sex at the Workplace?
According to a 2018 survey from OnePoll that aired on CBS News, reported 14% of the respondents admitted to having sex at work - with 19% of that subgroup who partook in LITERAL SEX AT THE OFFICE - getting caught in the act.
For all you math majors out there, 14% is approximately 1 out of 7! The next time you are bored at a company all-staff meeting, try to figure out which of your colleagues is most likely throwing their legs in the air to the hot security guard.
What Are the Top 3 Reasons People Have Sex At Work?
#3. People Are Already Masturbating At Work - Way More Than You Think!
Time Out New York reported that 39% of their respondents have reported to masturbating at work for reasons including mood enhancement, stress reduction, and increased concentration. (I bet!)
Just Google the longtail keyword search phrase, “How popular is it to masturbate at work?” You will see TONS of mainstream publications like Psychology Today, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Huffington Post, Time Out, and more - publishing thinkpieces on this apparent workplace phenomenon! Thus, if people are already having sex with themselves at the office - and in some cases filming it to monetize for their Only Fans or Pornhub content creator pages, it does not take a leap of faith to come to the conclusion that some of those office masturbators would engage in sex if the opportunity arose.
Shoot, I had a colleague named “Ron” at the U.S. Census, who partly got fired for watching porn on his iPhone right in the full view of passersbys in our modern, open office plan. Imagine what Ron would engage in, if he had a private office during the weekly department Zoom meeting? I wouldn’t want to be the custodian on that floor. #2. It’s Actually A Common Fantasy. The same reason that people have sex on airplanes, greyhound buses, nightclubs, and parties is also the same reason that some engage in sex on the proverbial office copy machine - it’s kinky!
Kinky is fun. To many, the thrill of someone unexpectedly walking in on them in the act of coitus interruptus, is as much as a real turn-on, as the sex act itself.
The risk of getting caught heightens the sexual excitement for even those boring milquetoast souls among us. Per The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 82% of both male and female respondents claimed to have fantasies of “sex in an unusual place” - including the office and public toilets!
With this fantasy being so commonplace, it’s no surprise that a dedicated minority have turned this into their reality!
#1. Opportunity. The OpenPoll survey also finds that 40% of people have been romantically involved with their co-workers at some point in their careers. This is the least surprising reason, as people typically spend a minimum of 8 hours of their day in close quarters with dressed-up colleagues looking and smelling their best.
If you don’t partake in many social activities or online dating apps, where else are you going to find a new sexual partner? Therefore, the opportunity to hookup is “baked in the cake” at most workplaces due to mere proximity and convenience.
Sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly deduces the following, “It follows that we often grow attached to those we with whom we spend more time with…Often, we have a lot in common with co-workers in terms of age, life stage, and interests. It makes sense we can experience attraction to those with whom we work.”
Conclusion Whether you are the Lenny Kravitz of your restaurant, a veteran looking for a 2nd career at the U.S. Census, or an Only Fans adult content creator as your side hustle, it’s clear that orgasms are coming in fast and hard in workplaces across America!
Due to people employing novel stress relief strategies, acting out fantasies of sex in public, or merely having clandestine affairs with colleagues, there’s more going on than data entry and customer service at the office.
However, be careful of the real-life consequences when your fantasy collides with reality. I doubt you can still receive unemployment insurance - if you got fired because your boss walked in on you getting down, doggie-style on his desk!
Maybe your boss will let you take the office surveillance footage of your tryst as your severance if you’re lucky for your burgeoning Only Fans Career!!
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